But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize