i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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