if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
