the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
