I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
