i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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