6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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