my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
pop tarts are not kleenex
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seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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