they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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