What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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