Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
