I hate all girls vehemently.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
