Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
