UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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