you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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