I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
