Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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