I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
