I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
