I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
