Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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