Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
