yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
