If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
