Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
