whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
