He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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