i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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