remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
