have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
