i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
