Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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