dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
