this beer tastes like vomit already
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
