I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize