he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
