I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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