I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
