woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Alive.
So much puke
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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