I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize