I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
