Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
