11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize