Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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