the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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