My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize