saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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