i think my tv is drunk
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
pray to the hookup gods
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
