Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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