Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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