I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
