On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
