I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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