How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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