pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize