never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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