Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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