They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
