is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
