Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
