There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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