508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
