Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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