yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
