I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
