Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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