Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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