Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
