Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
